Friendship as an Adult

I don’t have a best friend whom I speak with all the time and see regularly. I haven’t had one since high school.

But I know people who talk about their ‘best friend’, women and men in their thirties and later. For a while I thought I was the odd one out, that maybe there was something wrong with my much-too-blunt personality that didn’t incite best-friendship.

But I do have best friends.

My friends from university whom I see maybe once or twice a year. I don’t talk to any of them on the phone, rarely text them, the only interaction we have is via Facebook messenger when we’re organising our next get-together. Yet, as soon as we see each other we are instantly best-friended again. We synchronise to become a unit.

There must be something about living with each other for three years that makes you truly connected.

I have different friends for different things too, and there are many people who I consider myself to be close too. I have lots of friends in different friendship groups which I really value; it lends a true honesty where no one need worry about gossip, because neither of you know each other’s friends.

And, I must admit to clearing out my ‘friend-list’ when it becomes unsustainable.

And I don’t just mean on Facebook.

You know those friends, the ones who you seem to be a constant agony-aunt for, but they run for the hills when you need some support, or those who cancel all the time (maybe they’ve had a better offer? Who knows), or the ones who pull you down, bitch about you or who, you realise, you just don’t like anymore. I don’t see believe in maintaining a one-sided or pointless friendship. Now I realise that sounds harsh. But to be honest, my time is precious and I would rather invest in healthy friendships where all parties are satisfied.

Heck, I don’t have enough time to see the people I want to see, let alone those who I dread seeing, or who I have to be careful with what I say (I genuinely REALLY struggle with that, my mouth opens and stuff just comes out), or who I have to worry are going to start stirring that big wooden spoon when I leave.

I’m too old for bitchy. It’s boring. If you don’t like them, don’t see them.

I think friendship is too diverse to be defined by ‘best’ or a number, and is too important to be undermined by negativity.

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